


Trial Separation

by Dorians Kiss (larrymylove)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-08 13:41:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4307256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larrymylove/pseuds/Dorians%20Kiss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Louis undergo a trial separation. Based on an episode of Grey's Anatomy. But don't worry, I don't write unhappy endings!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trial Separation

**Author's Note:**

> Based on Arizona and Callie going through a trial separation on Grey's Anatomy, only...happier! Much happier! It's just a fluffy little thing I came up with. I hope you enjoy!

Harry followed Louis inside their flat. He slowly shrugged out of his jacket and hung it on the hook by the front door. Louis kept his green army jacket on, the collar lifted up, brushing against his jawlines. His hair was feathery and soft, wind-licked. And Harry desperately wanted to cross over to where Louis was standing in the living room, and brush the fringe from his sea glass eyes. But that wasn’t the rules. And they needed to follow the rules.

Harry hated the rules.

They’d been good, really good. For the last few years things between them had been amazing. Until this year. Harry couldn’t pinpoint an exact moment, but eventually things just gave out. The stress became too much. Having to live in silence and quiet was near impossible. They couldn’t touch in public. They could barely speak in public. And in private? They just stopped trying. Harry knew that they still loved each other. He could see it in all the little things. Like for instance the way Louis would shake his head and smile softly right in the middle of a bad fight. Like in the way Louis would set out two mugs for tea. The way Louis would ask him, “Are you cold? Do you want my jacket?” Even when they were barely on speaking terms.

The councillor had been Liam’s idea. They had just finished the final leg of their tour. A tour that had been almost unbearable. Harry and Louis barely spoke and when they did, it was in short, clipped tones. It took a toll on the other boys as well. Niall was always stressed and Liam was just trying to hold them together and Zayn wanted to smack both of them on the side of the head multiple times. So when they all got back home, Liam told Harry and Louis that they needed help. That they needed to see someone. So Harry had found Dr. Patterson.

Today had been their first meeting.

Dr. Patterson listened intently while Harry and Louis sat on opposite sides of a sofa, hugging the arms as if trying to be as far away from each other as possible. Harry went off about how Louis was always so loud and so messy and never helped out. And Louis gushed about how Harry was always such a nag. And threw words at each other like the dishes they’d thrown at each other right before going on tour. And Dr. Patterson finally cleared her throat and asked -

“Do you still love each other?”

“What kind of fucking question is that?” Louis demanded to know, “Of course I bloody love him. He’s my fucking soul mate. I just don’t happen like him right now is all.”

And Harry’s little heart skipped a beat because when was the last time Louis had even said ‘I love you’ outloud? And Harry responded with, “I will always love him. Even when I hate him.”

And Dr. Patterson had nodded and had scribbled more down on her large yellow legal pad that reminded Harry of something from the 1970s. And then she cleared her throat again and said -

“What I want from you two is a trial separation. A thirty day separation. With once weekly meetings. You are to still live together. You are just not to have any contact. Share your home, but sleep in separate rooms. No intimacy is allowed during that time between the two of you, or any third parties. You are to take this time to focus on yourself as individuals. And to truly consider if you still want to be together.”

“That’s fucking stupid!” Louis had protested.

Harry didn’t know why, but he found that the words, “I think it’s a good idea,” had come from his mouth.

And now they were home. And they weren’t allowed to speak to each other unless it was an emergency. Harry could barely stand the silence. Louis was always loud, loud, loud. To have nothing but silence from him was unnerving. Harry opened his mouth to speak, but Louis just turned on his heel and headed towards the master bedroom. He began to take all his clothes out of the closet and carry all his toiletries into the spare bath. Harry watched in horror as his boyfriend moved his things into the guest bedroom.

“What are you doing?” Harry protested, following Louis as he carried an armful of clothes.

“Stop it!” Harry protested, “Stop it, Lou!” Harry tried to grab the clothes from Louis’ hands. Louis just set his jaw and yanked them back. Harry felt his heart shatter. This wasn’t happening. It could not be happening. “Louis stop! Just talk to me! Don’t do this. Please, please don’t do this. I need you. I need you. We don’t...we don’t need this. We’re stronger than this. We don’t need some stupid trial separation just...just stop it!”

Louis said nothing. Instead he kept walking and began to hang the clothes up neatly in the guest closet as Harry stood in the doorway, watching in horror. How was he supposed to survive thirty days of this?

“I can’t do this, Louis,” Harry felt the tears sting at his eyes like needles, “Please, Lou. I-I can’t. Don’t make me do this.”

Louis turned away from the closet. Harry saw that he was crying too. His eyes were rimmed in red and glossy with fat, wet tears. He looked so broken. Harry had never seen Louis look like this before. It terrified him beyond all belief.

“I love you,” Louis said, his voice determined, “ _I love you._ ”

Harry nodded once, sniffling and wiping at his eyes with the back of his wrist, “I love you so much, Lou.”

“I love you,” Louis said again, “We need this. I trust Dr. Patterson, Harry. I am going to listen to her. You should too. Do this for us, baby. Please. Do this for us. We are stronger. We will be fine. We will get through this. But right now I need you to follow the rules, baby. No contact. No speaking. No begging me not to do this. You’re only making it harder. Please, love. Understand that I need you to do this. I love you. Do this for me, baby.”

And Harry nodded, sniffling again. Okay. He’d do this. He’d do this for them.

That night though, Harry couldn’t fall asleep. The bed felt cold and vacant. He longed for his baby’s body next to his. To hear Louis’ soft breathing. To hear him cough in his sleep and roll over against him. He needed Louis. He could tell himself over and over again he could do this. But he couldn’t. He wasn’t strong enough. He felt so, so stupid. He’d taken Louis for granted. And now this was the punishment. And it was absolute hell.

**DAY 2**

Harry blinked awake. He glanced at the clock on his bedstand. It was 8am. He’d gotten a solid two hours of sleep. Fucking beautiful. By instinct, he flung his arm over to the other side of the bed, checking for Louis’ presence. Nothing. Just a made up comforter and cold space where his pillow used to be. And Harry’s whole body ached.

He grabbed for his phone and saw several unread messages from the boys. Apparently Louis had sent them a group text last night updating them on what was going on. Harry shook his head, wanting this to be over. Day 2 was already starting and he felt miserable and wanted this to end. This was hell. Total and absolute hell.

Harry longed to just stay in bed, but he knew he had to get up and face the day. He didn’t know what was worse though. Part of him was thankful that they were required to still live together. But part of him felt that that made things all the more painful - to see Louis and not be able to talk to him or touch him.

When Harry got to the kitchen, Louis was preparing tea. There were two mugs with two bags of tea steeping sitting on the kitchen island. It was something.

**DAY 5**

They’d gotten through the first five days. Six more five days to go. Harry could do this, right? They were sitting back on the couch of Dr. Patterson’s office. She was scribbling away in her legal pad a moment before asking -

“So, how did the first five days go?”

Harry kept quiet. Louis did as well. But Harry saw Louis’ fingers tapping against his arm. A thing he did whenever he was nervous or upset. At another day, at another time, Harry would have seen this motion and would have wrapped his arms around Louis, holding him close. Harry would have kissed his cheeks and told him that things would be okay. But this was not another day. This was not another time. This was today. And today, he wasn’t allowed to do any of those things.

“Miserable,” Harry offered.

“And why is that?” Dr. Patterson asked.

“Why do you think?” Louis muttered, “We can’t speak. We can’t have any contact.”

Harry coughed once before saying, “Do you see what he’s doing? That tapping on his arm? That means he’s upset. And I used to look at him doing that, and know to go and hold him and comfort him. And I can’t do that.”

Louis’ brow furrowed slightly, “Last night at like, gee. Two in the morning I think it was. I woke up to hear him crying in his sleep. And I wanted so fucking badly to go to him. And I couldn’t. Because of these stupid fucking rules. And I’m trying so, so fucking hard to comply. I’m trying to trust you. It’s just...hard.”

Harry felt as though the breath had been knocked from his chest. He had woken up with his lashes glued to his cheeks but he couldn’t remember crying last night. And Louis had heard? And Louis had wanted to go to him and comfort him? And Louis hadn’t. And Harry didn’t know how to process any of that.

“I know it’s difficult,” Dr. Patterson explained, “But it does help put things into perspective. Some couples, at the end of thirty days, feel prepared to take on anything. Like they can get through anything as a united, strong force. Some couples realize that they don’t want to come back together.”

“What...what if that happens to us?” Harry asked. He didn’t know why he asked it.

“Are you kidding me right now?” Louis snapped, “Haz, that’s not going to fucking happen to us!”

“How do you know?” Harry asked, his voice soft as though he’d crack if it were any louder.

“I don’t,” Louis sighed, and he turned to meet Harry’s eyes for the first time in what felt like too long, “But I know us. I know we’re strong.”

As they headed towards the elevators, Louis spoke again, keeping his eyes straight forward and not turning to Harry for a second, “It helps to listen to our songs. The ones we wrote for each other. To hear your voice in the music sing to me. You should try it.”

It was the last thing Louis said to Harry for five whole days.

**DAY 10**

Harry tried Louis’ trick. And it did help. He listened to their songs over and over and over again - hearing the promises they made to each other through lyrics. And it did help so much to hear Louis’ voice singing to him of his love. But it wasn’t enough. It’d never be enough.

It’d been five days since Louis had said anything to Harry at all. And Harry wasn’t sure how much more he could stand. He’d tried to go out to the club with Niall that night. But all he could think about was Louis at home. So they’d called it a short night and Harry had headed home. He found Louis sitting at the dining room table drinking straight from a wine bottle.

Louis hated wine.

“Stop it,” Harry said, taking the bottle from Louis’ hands, “Stop this right now!”

“Nothing makes sense without you,” Louis said. Harry put the bottle on the counter and sunk down into Louis’ lap. Louis wrapped his arms around Harry’s frame and they held each other, breathing each other in, never wanting to let go.

**DAY 15**

Harry awoke to a note scrawled sloppily next to a mug of tea on the counter: “Taking the day to hang out with Zaynie. I’ll be back later tonight. Day 15. Halfway there, babe!” There was a crude heart drawn sloppily at the bottom of the note.

Halfway there.

**DAY 25**

Five more days to go. Harry felt as though he could hardly wait. Things were slowly getting better. Slowly and surely. He and Louis would send each other little glances from across whatever room they were in. They’d smile at each other too, eyes lighting up like stars. And it felt so, so good again. Like they were good again. Almost.

That night, Harry popped some popcorn and carried it out in a large bowl to the living room. Louis was tucked up on the couch watching Parks and Recreation on Netflix. Harry sunk down next to him, placing the bowl between them. They nibbled popcorn and giggled over the Snakejuice episode.

**DAY 27**

Harry always loved to put music on while he cleaned. There was just something peaceful about it, really. Whenever he cleaned, he would always perch his iPod up on the speaker deck and shuffle his playlists. He was dusting today when Fly Me To The Moon came on. Smiling to himself, he did a little twirl. Two arms caught him and held him close.

“Dance with me,” Louis said.

And together, they danced barefoot in the middle of the living room.

**DAY 30**

Today was the day. Harry had his alarm set. Once it went off, he flew out of bed and got dressed. Their appointment with Dr. Patterson was at 9am. They still weren’t permitted to have contact until she finally gave the go-ahead. Harry found the two mugs on the counter. Louis was preparing toast. Harry quickly fried up eggs. They smiled at each other while they ate. Louis’ eyes crinkling so much they almost disappeared. And Harry swore Louis Tomlinson was the actual sun.

When they got to Dr. Patterson’s office, they froze outside her door. Louis held out his hand slightly and Harry took it, squeezing it for just a second. There were still rules in place. But Jesus - after the rules were dropped, Harry swore he’d do more than just hold Louis’ hand.

“So,” Dr. Patterson tapped her pen against her legal pad, “Harry. Tell me about what you experienced these last few weeks.”

Harry took a deep breath. He turned to Louis who gave him an assuring nod before saying, “These thirty days were almost impossible. And I am so, so glad they were up. Because I don’t think I could have gone thirty-one. We were not in a good place when we came to you at the start of the month. We were...we were in a horrible place. But I think these thirty days made me realize that...he’s my partner. And I am in this for the long haul. I took him for granted. And I let that spark between us fade. I know it’s hard having to keep our relationship private, but it’s even harder not having a relationship with you. I’d rather be something with you in secret than nothing to you at all.”

“Harry,” Louis breathed, “I realized in these thirty days that you are the most special and most valuable thing in my life. I don’t want to lose you. And I am so, so sorry for ever pushing you away or hurting you. It was so hard having to keep everything secret. But it’s even harder not having you at all. I would give anything to just reach out and touch you again. I love you so much baby. You are my world. And I am so sorry that I ever forgot that. That I allowed myself to forget that.”

“Do you still want to be boyfriends, then?” Dr. Patterson asked.

“Yes!” Harry nodded happily, “So, so badly! Yes!”

“Louis?” Dr. Patterson raised a brow, “What do you feel?”

“No,” Louis replied flatly. And Harry felt in that moment, his whole entire world crumble.

“No?” Dr. Patterson asked.

Harry could no longer find his voice. His chest felt constricted. His lungs felt as though they’d completely given out. He could no longer think or feel. All he could hear was Louis’ voice saying “no” over, and over, and over, and over again.

This wasn’t happening. Surely this wasn’t happening.

“No,” Louis shook his head before turning to Harry ‘I realized in these thirty days that I’ve been a complete idiot in the past. I took you for granted, Harry. And I never want to take you for granted again. We’ve been together for the last six years, baby. Six years! And I knew from the moment I met you that you were my soulmate and my lifeline. I knew that with you by my side, I could take on anything. But then I let management get in the way of that. I let so much get in the way of that. I never want anything to get in the way of my love for you again. So Harry - Hazzza, I don’t want to be just boyfriends. I want to be so, so much more than just your boyfriend.”

Harry felt his head spin, “Wait...what?”

“Silly boy,” Louis chuckled lovingly, “Reach into your coat pocket.”

Harry did as Louis had instructed and felt a small, velvet box graze his fingertips. “Oh, Lou…”

“I know this isn’t the most romantic place, but I couldn’t wait another second. So this morning I put the ring box in your coat. I knew the second that Doc here let us speak again, that I wanted to ask you to marry me. To be my husband, Harry. And if you say yes, I can promise you that I will spend my life honoring you and loving you, and treasuring you. Every single fucking day. I will never take you for granted again. I will never let outside forces get in the way of my love for you. It’s you and me for always, Harry Styles. What do you say?”

“I-I say...yes!”

**Author's Note:**

> So much fluff and sweetness, I may as well change the title to, "Candy Floss."


End file.
